Depressing Monsoon

Last night I slept badly. I woke up more than once feeling cold and draped the bed-sheet around me. Outside, the rain came in short, discontinuous spell. The temperature had dropped to around 28°C.

This  morning I woke to a grey sky. The building next to mine, an abandoned half-constructed one, appeared black with wetness. Green moss covered it in places. The roads were wet. Drops of water dripped from neon-green leaves of shrubs and plants. The leaves glowed with an added vitality. But none reflected in my soul.

A shot through my window

A shot through my window

For the last three days I have been procrastinating going to the bank. Each night I would decide to visit the bank the following morning. Each morning, I lost inspiration. I stayed up in my bed, took the laptop out and binge-watched Castle. I did not feel like going for a bath or changing into fresh clothes. At lunch and dinner I methodically brought food from the kitchen (I stay at a paying guest accommodation with provision of cooks) and ate it, detesting the bland taste of cold rice and fried fish. In the evenings, I thought of going out to buy myself some snack that would excite my taste buds. Instead, I kept to bed, chewing the puffed rice that had lost its crispness long back, as I continued to watch Castle. I felt hopeless. I felt pathetic for not getting out of the room. My eyes and head hurt for looking at the computer screen for so long.

For as long as I can remember, I have hated monsoon. I hated going out during monsoon: The dirty, wet soil covered my sandals and the lower portions of my clothing as I walked on the road. The cars and buses splashed water onto the passers-by as they crossed the shallow puddles. The rain fell incessantly.

For as long as I can remember, I have been depressed during monsoons. I deduced that the vitality of my spirits is directly proportional to the solar energy received. If the day is bright and sunny, I am up and running, finishing every chore on time. But as soon as wetness strikes, I curl up like a snail in its shell, and cling to the bed. I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel as if something sucked the life out of me, as if I am not good for anything.

Does weather have any impact on your mood? Let me know in the comments below.

Note: This post is a part of the #DearDepression event. In this event you are asked to share your experiences about depression, there are many ways to do this.

  1. You can write about the experiences you have had.
  2. You can write a story, poem or haiku.
  3. You can create a drawing or painting.
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About Arpita

Arpita Pramanick is a little, young woman with a bright face (who'd rather not look directly into a stranger's eye) you'll find walking on the corridors of Mu Sigma, Inc. She tells herself she wants to be a properly published writer (by which she means she wants to be published from the likes of Penguin), but isn't really so sincere about writing everyday. So if you see her, tell her to go write. She'll love you for doing that!
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21 Responses to Depressing Monsoon

  1. swagata says:

    I think rainy days are good if you have your family / friends around you. I remember spending a rainy day with my family.. it was nice.. I just read books, slept a lot during the day. In evening we watched a movie in the laptop and ate puffed rice and alu-chop (a snack made of potatoes).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Arpita says:

      Yes! True that. Best time to eat muri (puffed rice) and alu-chop/beguni. And khichuri at dinners with omelets. That the most Bengali way to celebrate monsoon. But you’re right, all this is half as exciting when you’re away from home, stuck in a small room at hostel/p.g.

      Liked by 1 person

      • swagata says:

        When I was very young, I remember that there was a problem of rain water logging in our locality. I used to tear pages from my copies, made paper boats and sail them in the logged water… !!! Those were fun-days !!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Arpita says:

        Yeah! The paper boats. Guess we’ve all done that at some points in our childhood. Those were the first origami that we made even before we knew what the word meant.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. rupatamang says:

    I don’t like a bright sunny day with temperature above 30°C, I feel very lazy and my vitality level goes down. I rather like monsoon to be at home and eat something hot and sour with my friends and family. But when I got some outdoor works to do then the monsoon really irritates me. So, I can understand your situation being alone and facing that stuff. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Udit. says:

    I laughed at the solar energy part (Jadoo)!
    Well, its the opposite for me, I love rains, or atleast a lot of cloud cover, it gives a respite from heat (Evidently, I’m not Jadoo).
    I like this..event.
    And congratulations for your book!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jahnavi Chintakunta says:

    Arpita, if it’s raining continuously for days, it dampens my mood. At that time, I too don’t want to do anything except snuggling in the bed, reading books and drinking lot of tea 🙂 Hope the weather clears up at your end.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Fargle Blargen says:

    Hi Arpita. The way you described your feelings reminds me of the warm summer rains I used to experience as a child, growing up in the southern United States. I’m a bit different. I like warm sunny days as long as there isn’t much humidity. I like to be out and doing things and feel energized. When rain comes though, I feel almost as energized but like to do things inside or just sit and enjoy the sound of the rain and the mist and moisture. Something about the positive ions from the water has always made me feel good inside.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. hlhivy says:

    I like rain most of the time, but cold weather sends me undercover as well – I say it that way because it feels as if I have assumed a secret identity – one that is dark and grumpy and annoyed with life. I love spring, and fall.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. belinda says:

    Your feelings of procrastination as well as binge-watching “Castle” are all-too-familiar to me. So good to read posts like this from around the world (I live in the United States), it brings us all together. Hopefully next time it’s something more upbeat that connects us!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. BERYL says:

    When in a depression, sunny days are the worst. You see, the gloomy sky feels like a brother, reflecting your gloomy mood, while a sunny day seems to be cruelly indifferent to how you feel.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Arpita says:

      Well, the thing is, for me, I don’t feel down during sunny days. It acts as a stimulus for me, as if telling me I should keep doing things. And as long as I am busy doing something useful, I tend not to be depressed. Then again, each (wo)man to his (or her) own! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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