Sickened ramblings

Yesterday I wrote a post and let it remain in the drafts. It was the first day of the month and for the last few days I had been feeling poorly. It has more to do with my health. That made me question everything that was happening in my life.

I have questioned my work, my lifestyle – whether it is really worth staying so far from home, all by myself. There was just so much negativity around. Add to that the stubborn Bangalore rain, which doesn’t bother to stop.

Thankfully, it is a bright day this morning. I have feeling more positive.

Unfortunately, my blogging habit has taken a hit. I am hardly ever on the Reader. After I write something, I wonder, would it make any difference if I did not post this? Does this post add any value to the reader? Most often, I find the answer in the negative. And hence, the pile of my drafts increases.

As to the book front, I am close to 11k words in my book. For those who are new, my second book is a non-fiction account on Fear. I have been pretty much a timid person all my life – with my energy level being perpetually low when doing new things, which inspired the need of a self-help book on Fear. I am hoping to complete the first draft by the end of this month (which was July 31st before, on account of Camp Nano – which unfortunately, I could not complete). Having a day job indeed makes things hard at the creative end. You are so exhausted  by the time weekend comes, you don’t feel like doing anything on the two precious days. It doesn’t help that I am not as disciplined about my health and hobbies as the other aspects of my life (read work). I am not the first one to struggle with this, and I won’t be the last. Yet, I stop myself from feeling guilty because I don’t need the added guilt to weigh me down. As it is, it is pretty bad.

Last night when I went to sleep, I was feverish. Random thoughts kept crawling into my mind and forcing me to work my mind. I had no means to stop the flow of thoughts. The thoughts were like dreams that are too real – I found myself talking to people in my mind and thinking hard before I formed my replies. I guess some of the people might have been from the client side. I have experienced this often when I run fever.

But thankfully, it is somewhat a bright day today. I can see the sun from my work window. That is cheering me up for now.

What about you? How is life at your end? How do you deal with the clouds in your life? Let me know in the comments.