Why relationships are so crucial?

As a kid, my parents dictated who I made friends with. They were not very enthusiastic about me going out with friends. I used to play in the neighborhood playground until a certain age. At any rate, girls my age were few in number and the boys were always playing cricket, so as I grew up I started to stay indoors. I believe that is what ruined my ability to form relationships.

At school, I was close to couple of people. We used to play, talk, laugh, have fun. Those were simple days. Then after tenth standard examinations, I went to a different, all-girls’ school. The next two years were a busy time, when everyone was preparing for entrance examinations to different colleges. Nobody had the time to sit around and chat. I also lost contact with my previous school friends. As a result, I became more and more isolated.

In college again, I made some friends, but by this time around, I had learnt not to depend on anyone. I was independent and could manage most things myself. This gave me a false sense of relationships not being important. I thought relationships were overrated. I did have a boyfriend for major part of college, but there was never any need in that relationship.

From what I have seen so far, relationships thrive on need. Two people could be independent, great when they are single, but there has to be something that they see in each other through which they bond and become dependent on each other. Unless there is a sense of need, the relationship becomes fragile and once you put some distance, it breaks.

Trust me, I do not like drama in a relationship. I am not someone who likes to call up every five minutes to check on anyone. I enjoy having meaningful conversations ranging from stars in the sky to incredible progress of science and technology that is enabling to write this post. However, in my quest of being independent, I never learnt how to feel need for a person.

Two years into work life, isolated from my family, out of any romantic relationship, I realize how lonely it is to not have anyone to discuss your day with. Maybe, everyday you do not need to talk about stars in the sky or marvels of technology. Maybe, some days are about bitching about work and being pissed off and being able to share that with someone. But for someone who never learnt how to depend, how do I trust anyone with the crumbles of my heart?

Until later.


About Arpita

Arpita is currently working as an analyst in Mu Sigma, Bangalore. While she loves her job, but her heart is tied deeply to creative outlets. Reading, writing, travelling, and more recently, making videos excite her and shape her day to day life. She's also very approachable and is willing to pick a conversation if she happens to meet you.
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11 Responses to Why relationships are so crucial?

  1. Balaka says:

    That is a lovely post…a big hug to you…look at the positive side…in a way being not dependent on a relationship is good…you save yourself from a lot of things…I have most part of my life being very clingy…but once I stopped being clingy…i felt so liberated…However why not make some random friends…once there was this 30 day challenge where you had to walk up to any random stranger and strike up a conversation…that way many people gained friends for a lifetime…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Arpita says:

      That sounds like a fun idea – My problem is I am holed up in my home all the time when I am not at work, stuck with social media. It definitely makes sense to go out and meet people. Which is why I am hoping, when I move into this new flat where a friend stays, she and I can start doing what I haven’t done so far in Bangalore. Let’s see.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Carmineberyl says:

    Nice post! I have a couple of thoughts to share though ; I don’t think “need” is what keeps relationships intact, for needs are often too temporary and superficial. However, “want” instead of “need” just might be the key to understanding and nurturing relationships. It’s great to be independent and not need someone ; but that doesn’t mean that just because I don’t need somebody, I don’t want that person in my life. The most solid, lasting relationships are the ones that don’t depend on need but on want; for “want”, as I personally see it, is a deeper emotion, a deeper urge, a deeper realisation ; people who need me, leave once the need’s fulfilled, but people who want me, have stayed with me, no matter what. Just sharing my experience, in the hope that someone else might be able to relate to it and understand life better. Have a great day!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Arpita says:

      I see where you are coming from: that makes sense from a perspective where you want to nurture a healthy relationship, But most times, relationships are far from healthy. The need I meant is not superficial: it’s not like the need to have someone to cook for me. I have seen how strains of relationships affect two individuals to the point where they start hating each other – to a point where the ‘want’ aspect vanishes entirely. It becomes like I don’t want to be in your life anymore and vice versa. But need, which I feel is more primal, will still make you think twice about giving up on any relationship. Which, by the way, I am not saying is the best thing: you might start hating the person you are with so badly that you need to let go, but you can’t because you are too conditioned to think that you need that person in your life. In its dark ways, I still think need is the glue. Want, I believe, is a matter of choice, and need, like I said, is more primal and at the end of the day, we are all primal creatures.


  3. Kat says:

    When it comes to love relationships, I say take all the time in the world to find who is right for you. In the meantime, what I can suggest is, go out of your comfort zone. I’ve read your comment above and maybe you can use social media to reconnect with an old friend and meet up somewhere new and exciting you haven’t been to. Just some random idea I hope can help you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mayur says:

    Relationship is good when at time opposite right person stand. Both have trust and not for fun. Relationship maintaine karana bhi badi bat he.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Belinda O says:

    It sounds like you’re going through a lonely time in your life, something that’s really common right out of college. Introspection is good, and insight from others is helpful, too. I hope that soon you realize how valuable and lovely relationships can be when they are healthy and based on support and yes, fun…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Arpita says:

      Hi Belinda! Thank you so much for dropping by. This post was written on a day when I wasn’t feeling particularly my best self. I have been doing better since (not on the relationship front, though). I am feeling more positive now since that day.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Belinda O says:

        I understand. I’ve had those days myself, and while sometimes what I write is eye-opening, other times it feels like someone else must have invaded my body while I was writing. Glad you’re feeling more positive.


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