Mourning the loss of a parent

After eighteen long days of battle with Covid-19, my father finally left this mortal world yesterday morning.

As an adult, if you are lucky to still have your parents around, worrying about parents’ health is in that long-list of adulthood worries. While I was in Bangalore, I worried about this day in and day out, picturing how it would be when something of this sort might happen.

It did happen, and happened in an unexpected manner. Very few people with Covid need to be hospitalized. Fewer still get a cytokine storm (lungs inflammation as the body’s response to the virus) in the third week of the disease. My father was among the choicest few. In the end, the man who always took deep breaths and did all sorts of physical exercise and yoga to stay fit, struggled for air in his lungs.

Our loss is permanent, but because we always knew this was a possibility since he was hospitalised, we are coping okay. Tears well up in the most minute of occasions, but we have learnt to wipe them and think of more positive things and distract ourselves.

As of now, our hearts are blameless. We have stopped going into loops of ifs and buts. We are telling ourselves that we did the best we could. Our father did the best he could. The doctors tried their hardest.

I sent out so many positive vibes to the Universe, but the Universe had other plans. You cannot dictate terms. We are so small in the grand scale of events. Once you remove yourself from the daily life and take yourself 9,000 feet above, you realise these are but minor blimps in the cosmic chain of events. Grief is temporary. Loss is permanent. Memories will sometimes make us smile and sometimes make us cry. Yet, while we are in the cycle of life, we just have to walk on: eat, breathe, sleep and hopefully help spread a little bit of positivity in the world.

If you’re reading this and are going through something yourself, I am hear to listen to you. Do feel free to reach out. I wish your good health and emotional resilience.

12 thoughts on “Mourning the loss of a parent

  1. Anuvab Dey

    I THINK IT IS THE TIME FOR A BIG CHANGE, AND SOMETHING BIG IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOUR FAMILY IN A GOOD WAY, LOSS IS PERMANENT BUT MEMORIES STAY FOREVER, THIS WAS IT, HE SERVED THIS UNIVERSE AND NOW HE GAVE YOU THE BALLS, IT’S YOUR TURN, KEEP DOING GOOD AND GO ON WITH YOUR DREAMS, PAINT YOUR CANVAS WITH WHATEVER COLOUR YOU WANT, AND KEEP THE REEL GOING, AFTER ALL THIS IS LIFE.
    EASY IS NOT THE PART OF LIFE, NEITHER YOU CAN MOVE ON THROUGH THIS EASILY, BUT THE WAY HE FOUGHT, YOU NEED TO FIGHT AND CONQUER YOUR DREAMS WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE! NOT THE WORLD. WE ARE ALWAYS THERE WITH YOU, STAY HAPPY AND SAFE.

    THIS WHOLE MESSAGE GOES TO YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY.

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  2. susurrus

    I am so very sorry to read your last few posts, Arpita and to learn that your Dad wasn’t able to recover. I’m sending my thoughts and best wishes to your whole family. It is a cruel disease and you show great kindness to have room in your heart to be thinking of others at this time. Thoughts of your Dad – what he liked and what he would say, even if you sometimes disagreed, as we all do – will stay with you and will come to be the best comfort, if your experience is anything like mine.

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    1. Arpita Post author

      Thank you so much for your thoughts and kind words. It’s a very new feeling, to lose someone who lived in the same house as you. Keep us in your prayers.

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  3. Belinda O

    Arpita, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Grief is a funny thing and it comes and goes and takes different forms, so allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Memories, too, hit us at strange times, so be prepared. You may find yourself crying at the oddest times in the most unexpected of places. My prayers are with you and your family in this time of sorrow,

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    1. Arpita Post author

      Thank you Belinda! You are right in so many ways. This kind of loss is such a new feeling for all of us. We will have to learn along the way how to deal with this best.

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  4. Amrit Anand

    My heart felt prayers are with you and your family. Be safe and strong. In the past month, so many people have lost their lives and we all feel so helpless. I have realized that we should not take our life for granted and live in a more meaningful way.

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  5. mterrazas32

    My condolences to you and your family. I know not easy to share a personal story of a love one passing, but it keep the memory of your love alive and does make the grieving a little easier. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

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