Last night I slept badly. I woke up more than once feeling cold and draped the bed-sheet around me. Outside, the rain came in short, discontinuous spell. The temperature had dropped to around 28°C.
This morning I woke to a grey sky. The building next to mine, an abandoned half-constructed one, appeared black with wetness. Green moss covered it in places. The roads were wet. Drops of water dripped from neon-green leaves of shrubs and plants. The leaves glowed with an added vitality. But none reflected in my soul.
A shot through my window
For the last three days I have been procrastinating going to the bank. Each night I would decide to visit the bank the following morning. Each morning, I lost inspiration. I stayed up in my bed, took the laptop out and binge-watched Castle. I did not feel like going for a bath or changing into fresh clothes. At lunch and dinner I methodically brought food from the kitchen (I stay at a paying guest accommodation with provision of cooks) and ate it, detesting the bland taste of cold rice and fried fish. In the evenings, I thought of going out to buy myself some snack that would excite my taste buds. Instead, I kept to bed, chewing the puffed rice that had lost its crispness long back, as I continued to watch Castle. I felt hopeless. I felt pathetic for not getting out of the room. My eyes and head hurt for looking at the computer screen for so long.
For as long as I can remember, I have hated monsoon. I hated going out during monsoon: The dirty, wet soil covered my sandals and the lower portions of my clothing as I walked on the road. The cars and buses splashed water onto the passers-by as they crossed the shallow puddles. The rain fell incessantly.
For as long as I can remember, I have been depressed during monsoons. I deduced that the vitality of my spirits is directly proportional to the solar energy received. If the day is bright and sunny, I am up and running, finishing every chore on time. But as soon as wetness strikes, I curl up like a snail in its shell, and cling to the bed. I don’t feel like doing anything. I feel as if something sucked the life out of me, as if I am not good for anything.
Does weather have any impact on your mood? Let me know in the comments below.
Note: This post is a part of the #DearDepression event. In this event you are asked to share your experiences about depression, there are many ways to do this.
- You can write about the experiences you have had.
- You can write a story, poem or haiku.
- You can create a drawing or painting.
Scribbles@Arpita 