Decisions! Decisions! Decisions!

A big part of grown up life is about taking decisions. Starting from what to cook for dinner, whether or not to buy the phone you have always wanted to, whether to move to a new place, when to say no, how to talk and convince people and so on.

Some of these decisions are easy to make, while others are more complicated. As, I grow I also understand the biases that I have. For example, as a person, I have never been the kind who likes to ‘advertise’. But every day at work, I am told, verbally and non-verbally, that I need to be able to sell what I am producing – in my case, my analysis. I need to be able to own the impact I create and say it out loud in front of the client. Well, like I said, I was never that person. My problem with advertising was, is, more often than not, people end up packaging lies as niceties and win brownie points. I am someone who likes white more than grey, which is why I struggle to polish the impact we might have created and presented it in a way that it is a big deal.

But I am at a point in my career where I need to take a decision: whether to take the leap and let go of my inhibition that stops me from being an efficient salesperson or hold on to the misplaced ideals that have become the biases that drive me.

When I was a schoolgirl, I was looking towards a future which looked hopeful. In that future, I could have been anyone: a doctor, a storyteller, a pilot, a painter. In that future, I would have been someone who a lot of people would know and respect. In that future, people around me would be proud of me.

But now that I am living that future, I am not who I thought I would be. My popularity is much more limited than many people of my age. At this point, I don’t know if the people around me really respect me. Or if they even like the person that I am.

Yes, perhaps the aim is not to be liked by everyone. But sometimes, it matters what the people immediately around you make of you. What can you do to make these people happy? Who can you be that will bring a smile to people’s faces? Because no matter how much we say ‘I live for myself’, we are social animals who thrive amongst others.

Everyday, I find myself in two minds while taking decisions. Does it get any easier? I hope so.

Until later,

❤

 

Of ends and beginnings

I had a series of life-changing experiences since the last post.

A few hours just before we were about to board the train, we were informed that my maternal grandfather passed away. At first I was shocked. The tears came later. The very day I was about to start a new journey was the day Grandpa’s journey came to an end. The suddenness of Death caught me off guard, because I talked to Grandpa just the previous day and he was just fine! I only talk to him once in a while on the phone, but I am so glad we had the last talk.

The toughest blow was on my mother, of course. She was already sad with me leaving and then this news. I felt like leaving all the luggage at the station and taking another train to see grandfather one last time – I knew that was the right thing for mom. But my mother, grieving and speechless and crying, took the toughest decision to come with me to see me off to this new city instead, where I start working from Thursday. The moment my mother took the decision was the moment I realized the weight of reality. And suddenly, I was not afraid anymore, not nervous anymore. I knew if I had to face this side of Life, I had to be strong. The fact that I had never travelled long distance before, the nagging worry of what kind of a place I’d be reaching and what kind of people I’d meet, somehow faded away for some moments, and all I knew was that no matter what, I had to be there for my parents and take care of them.

Rest in peace, Grandpa! You will always be in our hearts. And my mother, she is the strongest person that I’ve ever met. I don’t know what I’d do if I were in her position.

Presently, I am at the office-provided accommodation and thankfully, it has good internet,which is the best thing to happen to me since the internet on my phone doesn’t seem to work at all! I couldn’t take many pictures on the journey because of the sad memory that haunted us. But Nature can heal everything, I guess. I took these pictures from the train.