Tag Archives: happiness project

The Happiness Project | Day 1

There are times in our lives when we are at a certain juncture. In these moments, you need to take a hard, long look at your life and make certain changes.

For a large part of 2017, I was depressed. For me, depression manifests in two forms:

  1. Self-loathing, crying at the sad state of life and starting to believe that nothing better will happen again
  2. Being unable to sustain happiness for a long time, frequent mood swings through the day

2018 is an important year in my life. I have been out of college for the last three years. I have been working in my first job for close to 2.5 years. There has been a lot of learning. To be honest, I am a much confident woman today than I was 2.5 years back. But this confidence has come at the cost of desensitization. I am a lot more confident today because I care a lot less. I also understand that most things in life come in phases, so the bad times are not going to be permanent. But that the same time, I have seen good things end and I have been finding it very difficult to adjust to it. Nothing feels permanent anymore, and to an extent, it is true. Nothing really is permanent.

This is something that has been bugging me for a while now. If you know nothing is permanent, how do you still find sources of happiness in everyday living? How do you stop yourself from feeling negative?

I don’t have a direct answer to that. But to answer the question, I decided to take a look at my childhood self. When I was younger, I could just laugh at silly things. I was so full of curiosity. When we got internet connection at home for the first time, for limited number of hours in a day, I used to literally make a list of things I wanted to search. There was a hunger to learn new things. Today, I have internet access 24*7, but I rarely search things. I don’t download movies by the GB from Torrent anymore. Desensitized to everything, like I said.

I feel that in order to be happy again, I need to find that childhood version of myself and find out what her priorities were:

  1. Learn new things
    1. Read more books
    2. Watch more movies
    3. Learn a language
    4. Learn to play an instrument
    5. Learn about world history
    6. Learn about world politics
  2. Travel the world
  3. Meet new people
  4. Converse in English
    1. Improve vocabulary
    2. Improve pronunciation
  5. Build her own home
  6. Grow plants
  7. Achieve goals
  8. Grow hair long
  9. Be a boss
  10. Write everyday, be a published author

When you are a kid, there are set goals in life. After you get a job, the goals are not that clearly defined. When do you switch your job? How much money should be you saving every month? When do you start planning for your marriage? Will you ever find true love?

None of these questions have textbook answers. Everybody’s situation is different, everyone is trying to find the answers in their own ways.

Anyways, the goal for me, for the remaining part of 2018 is to reconnect with that childhood version of myself, be the person who I always wanted to be as I was growing up.

Which is why, I am going to write a post every day for the remainder of May, no matter how difficult my schedule is. This is one of my first steps towards getting back on track. A lot of this writing is probably going to be very personal. But maybe, some of that experience might help some of you in some part of your life – that’s the only reason behind putting this online. Glad to have you all as part of my recovery journey.

Until tomorrow!

What Nobody Told You About Happiness

Some days, you see/experience something that changes you in a fundamental way. Today happened to be one of those days.

For the last few days, I have been feeling restless. Heck, I have been restless all my life. I have an itch inside me which drives me to solve problems as soon as possible. I pay my bills almost as soon as they arrive in my email. I like to keep no debts. If a call has to be made, I would do it sooner than later. Finishing things make me happy. Accomplishments make me happy.

I am told multiple times that I talk too fast. Yes, I do. Because I trying to hard to keep up with the train of thoughts in my brain that is rushing so fast that I struggle to keep up with them.

I love flights. I love how quickly you can reach from a city that has burned you to a city that smells of love.

I am always in a hurry. Always. In. A. Hurry.

Today, I chanced upon a wonderful TEDx video of Saisha Srivastava from 2015 (when she was 20). Saisha is a dancer who collaborated with blind schools in Kolkata to teach visually impaired kids how to dance.

As I watched the video, the familiar sensation of time flying by held me and shook me up. She spoke fast, almost as fast as I speak when I am trying to catch up with my thoughts. And in those 17 minutes, I felt, once again, there is just so much left to be done in this life and I have probably not even started.

I keep watching these videos about solo travel, where people talk about staying the nights with random strangers and receiving kindness from the most unexpected places. That resonates with the core of my being. As humans, we die to hear good stories. It is ingrained in our genes – we live in our stories, we live through our stories.

We want more intriguing stories. We need more intriguing stories.

Saisha’s is a wonderful story to tell. Is yours?

If you have been part of something this beautiful, share your experience with me, down in the Comments.

See you in another blog.

Until then, either tell a story, or live one! ❤