We are well into week 3 of January. I am here again with the third guest post on Fear, as part of the series of guest posts. Today’s blogger is Seoti,. someone who I had a chance to live with during my college days. She has beautiful penmanship and that comes out very clearly in today’s post.
Contributor: Seoti Bhattacharyya
“Heads, I win; tails, you lose!” Fear used to say, every single time. Life for me was a long, dark stretch of fear-filled path for years. Some of these fears, like the fear of ghosts and monsters, were born and nurtured in my mind’s dark recesses, fathered by an overwrought imagination; some were born out of external events, caused by external agents – miscreants, child abusers, bullies in school – that tried to rob me of all that was good in me and left dark impressions on my mind. These fears started to rule my waking thoughts, my hours of sleep, my every move, my very life, in fact; my dreams turned into nightmares, I lost my sleep, my peace of mind, my confidence; I even lost my ability to help others for a time – no wonder that; how could I think of helping others if I couldn’t help myself? My life became a veritable hell, filled with depression and fear, and I started to feel as if I was constantly descending into a bottomless abyss. I started to be afraid of going to school and facing bullies, of going out and facing people, afraid of predators prowling in human form, but I was equally afraid of staying at home, alone: the walls seemed to come rushing at me, smacking their gaping jaws, wanting to swallow me whole. My fears wouldn’t let me be, not even for a moment; they would chase me to the edge of my sanity and persistently try to push me over.
Not anymore, though. Fear doesn’t own me anymore; it doesn’t rule my life or dictate my every action. I’ve had a few good influences in my life, at various times; but if I’ve to name a single good influence that mattered a great deal more than the others, I’d have to name my ever-optimist mom as that influence. She has seen me through the most trying times, when even my shadow seemed to have left my company, so to say; she has taught me to remain unabashed even when I feel broken or shed tears; she says it’s normal to feel this way sometimes and that it doesn’t make me weak, not if I start to rebuild myself by picking up my broken pieces and gluing them together, using my experiences, into a new whole. She taught me to glean every bit of good from every single experience and use it to help myself and others. It is from her that I learnt that fear and faith are two faces of the same coin and that only faith can put one’s fears in check and help one overcome them. Mom taught me how to be so positive and full of faith in the power of good that, no matter what happens, I can let go of it like water off a duck’s back and go on with my own life, after taking the intended lesson; after all, stagnancy is death; but the fight to survive, putting one determined step in front of the other, is what defines life and makes it worth all the pain. I still have fears, quite a few of them, actually; but I’ve learned how not to let them become my masters.
I’ve changed; my experiences and my faith worked together to bring this change in me; I’d contemplated dying even, at times; but Time has healed my wounds, though the scars are there still, like the marks of pride of a battle-scarred knight; and what hasn’t killed me, has only made me stronger.
Seoti Bhattacharyya used to work as an editorial assistant in a reputed publishing house in Kolkata; currently, she is preparing herself for PhD entrance and pursuing a Masters in English in distance mode, while also enjoying being married. Writing short stories, poems and essays on various topics is her artistic pursuit; blogging is her way of making herself heard. She first started writing when she was twenty-five and since then, she has adhered to it seriously. She finds that writing helps her reach out to people and connect with them on a whole different level; therefore, she now thinks of writing as her purpose in life. She is an avid reader and horror, fantasy and detective/thriller fiction top her reading list. She has just started working on her first novel and finds it a mixed experience. Every fortnight or so, she takes time out of her schedule to write blogs on topics that interest her. Her hobbies are travelling, learning languages, listening to music and watching movies.
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Disclaimer: The thoughts and opinions expressed in the guest post are solely the guest’s. The owner of this blog makes no representation as to the originality, accuracy or completeness of any information in this post.
THE BLURBING EVENT!
Slots are still open for Blurb On – the Blurbing event that I am hosting as part of publication of my second book, How I tamed the dragon named fear. If you’d like to participate, feel free to drop me a note using the contact form below.