Rahul Kumar Bhadäni is an engineer by education, an software developer by profession, and has a deep passion for the written word. We started talking couple of months back over email, and I found he has numerous blogs to his name as well. He told me that he was a prolific writer in his schooldays and that those writings are stacked somewhere in an almirah back in his parental home; but since, his writing habits have become less regular. We spoke at length about why this happened, and he said that “for creative things, a peace is needed, sometimes vacuum, which is rarely there nowadays”. It intrigued me, and when I wanted a post on ‘Why solitude is important for authors?’, I couldn’t think of anyone else but him.
Read on and do not forget to drop a comment below. You can also follow him on his blog, When my Diary becomes my keeper.
Realm of Solitude
Rahul Kumar Bhadäni
“I lost count of the time for how long I have been staring at the candle flame while chewing the tip of my pen. Enchantment broke only when power returned after a sudden outage. I didn’t realize dusk had bid adieu for the day and kohl of the night had decorated the unfathomable sky. Even today I couldn’t write more than four lines. There was a chaos in the neural circuitry of my brain and the resulting anarchy was failing to tame the mind to concentrate on one particular idea of the realm. ”
For the love of writing, the one who seeks the solitude is a true seeker, but the one who finds it emerges as the victor. Solitude is not loneliness – it is a desire to be alone to find out oneself, to have fine control over emotions and thought processes. Sitting at one corner of the apartment when your roommate is not there, solitude is your quest for that one blue flower with seven petals in the jungle of thoughts. Solitude is when you feel too much of one thing and nothing of anything else and you rub your pen against the page of the diary and it starts running for you, spilling all your emotions over its pages. In an orchid, when you don’t just see the petals but the leaves and their texture – how brilliantly and uniquely they have been crafted – you know that you have found solitude in the midst of chirping of birds and rustling of leaves.
Recently, I have not been writing much, not a single verse or a story even though I have more time than ever. When I look back into the past, I find that in spite of having school from 8 am to 2 pm and a reserved schedule for homework afterwards, I was writing more than I do now, which might have resulted in something productive today. It’s not like I was lonely those days and I am busy and socially extrovert now. Solitude is not about being alone and away from social life. It’s neither about being an introvert and self-centred. I have completed a quarter of my life during which I graduated, got a job, even changed one, moved to a new city and the one thing I realized is being an artist is one of the toughest and disciplined passions. A real writer is not just a writer but (s)he is an artist. The way (s)he perceives the world is eccentric and can only be possible if (s)he is a true seeker. Solitude is not about being alone, it is about self-control.
So what exactly happened after school that in spite of claiming I have more time than ever I have not found solitude? Back then, my mind was not cluttered with career moves, higher studies, relationships, home-sickness, work pressure, and paying bills. That was the time when I was guilt-free but since, I can count that I have done several mistakes, which naturally, added jitters to my thoughts. When uncertainty starts looming, concentrating on a seven-petal, blue flower becomes a far-fetched dream. But most important of all, I was not engrossed into internet. Definitely, I should not blame the internet because this is how things are done now, but what internet has done to psychology is that it gives you a feeling that you are doing something important when actually you are just scrolling feeds of your social network profile.
Solitude comes only when in spite of having people around you, you can trace that one particular channel of thoughts overcoming jitters and starts weaving a different realm on the top of it. When you succeed in achieving that one step, receptivity of your artistic self activates. Arpita once asked, is it possible to write about something you have never felt. When your artistic receptivity is on its natural frequency, it is very much possible. It’s time when you start fantasizing about an alternate reality and let your pen do the rest of the work.
Over time, writers and artists have been looking for an easy way to slip into cocoon of solitude; getting high on the drugs or the drinks has been a way towards their solitude. They have claimed that this has helped them achieve their artistic and natural self, producing best creative pieces. But what I feel is that it’s a total injustice to ourselves and a sign of denial. Deep down we know that we are broken somewhere, we have had a failed relationship or a bad marriage, we may have lost a job or are bankrupt or guilty for not saving that boy in the hospital, and it is hard for us to accept all that. We think being in inebriated state alleviates our situation, when in fact we are too coward to accept the situation. Being our true self is the best way to pour our emotions and our guilt on the artboard, through verse and prose. Letting things loose is the best way to find the true artist in us.